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22 November 2011 @ 06:39 pm
 
Title: Love The Way You Lie (Songfic-Oneshot)
Pairing: Broken! KangTeuk
Rating: NC-17 
Genre: Angst, Death, NCS, AU
Summary: JungSoo is raped and hit by her boyfriend, but both of them are at fault for this. Both are equally blind.
Word Count: 4,051

Just gonna stand there 
And watch me burn 
But that's alright 
Because I like 
The way it hurts 
Just gonna stand there 
And hear me cry 
But that's alright 
Because I love 
The way you lie 
I love the way you lie 
I love the way you lie
In a world where I thought I knew you, in a world that I thought was real, in a world where I loved you... was the world I set you free.
“Hi, my name is Kim YeongWoon. I... I hit my girlfriend just a few days ago because I thought... that she was cheating on me. No... I didn't think... I knew, she was cheating on me.”
The crowd goes silent, all eyes are on me, in their heads they are all judging me... hating me even.
“Hi, my name is Park JungSoo. I... hit my boyfriend, and cheated on him, I also threatened his family. I've had enough of him, enough, and all I wanted was to get him away from me by doing that, in the end it backfired and he...”
Those same eyes that were staring so hatefully at me are now showing sorrow for her, a horrible person, who is just as responsible for this as I am.
----------
“Happy anniversary dear! Ah! I can't believe it, our 3rd year of marriage.” I brought the cake over to dinner table as well as the soju, it was a wonderful time to celebrate.
“Ah, honey, you didn't have to overwork yourself for this! You're very thoughtful! And I didn't even get you anything... bummer.” 
“Oh no, it's OK, just as long as you're here with your cute smile it's the best day of my life.”
“Aw, darling, but I did get you a little trinket.”
“What is it?”
“Close your eyes babe, and extend your hand.”
I did as I was told, I unfolded my hand in front of her and waited. Suddenly, I felt a cold metal around my ring finger. I opened my eyes, a silver ring was shinning under the moonlight, when I moved my hand I noticed and engraving.
“Even if were not married, I want the world to know that you're taken... hope you like it.” 
Her smile was as beautiful as ever, her long brown hair was flowing with the wind, her dimples were deep and meaningful, this was a real smile, not the kind of smile that she offered to me after work each day.
I looked down at the ring, it said, Forever Park JungSoo's. I look back up at her and lean in for a kiss, just before our lips touched the doorbell rang.
I can't tell you what it really is 
I can only tell you what it feels like 
And right now there's a steel knife 
In my windpipe 
I can't breathe 
But I still fight 
While I can fight 
As long as the wrong feels right 
It's like I'm in flight 
High of a love 
Drunk from the hate 
It's like I'm huffing paint
JungSoo instantly gets up and heads for the door, she yells back, “Wait here I'll go get it!”
I turn to the window ignoring the shuffling sound I hear coming from the front door. I head out to the balcony, avoiding the scene going out in the front yard. Another lover, I knew it.
I inhale deeply, the cold air being a shock to my system, I cough. I breathe out the poisonous air and look at the shape the steam of my breath made. I look down the balcony and see my girlfriend leaning on a car while some guy is on top of her. I don't know why I'm still here, why I'm still beside her even after all the times she has done this to me. Perhaps I'm just blinded in love, but one day I'll wake up from all this.
I walk inside once again, relieved of the cold air, I'm hit by soft and warm rays of heat. I head to the table and pick up the table and leave it clean once more. Without a trace that a anniversary was going on, I leave to the kitchen. I gather my thoughts once again and drink a full glass of soju. Tired I walk to the bedroom I share with JungSoo. 
I lay out the blanket on the floor, I have no intent on sleeping where other men have slept with my angel. I put on my pajamas and clean up at the bathroom, while washing my hands I remember the ring she gave me. I take it off my finger and set it to the side, for now it hurts to see it. It burns even. I trow water on my face so that no one will know whether the water dripping from my eyes is just simply water or tears.
I lay down and look at the ceiling trying to forget what she is doing out there. I would've thought that she would've left those guys alone for at least one night, at least on our anniversary. I guess a fairytale romance does not exist in this world...
I slowly open my eyelid as I hear creaking, I look up and see nothing but darkness, I'm still alone. I stretch out my arms and try to stand up, but I struggle when I hear the front door open. I instantly fall close my eyes letting me feel a fake sleep, in the time which seems like centuries she changed into her pajamas and walked into the bedroom. 
She lay down on the bed and whispered, “I know you're awake, I'm sorry. I know I'm a jerk for leaving you like this, but please try to understand I... I can't just stick with one person for a long time.”
“It's OK, just sleep, we're gonna have to wake up early tomorrow, we have a dance class to attend to... just sleep for now, we'll talk about it later.”
I open my eyes once more and head to the front door. I slip on my jacket and my tennis-shoes. I reach for my scarf and walk out. Again, the cold air hits my lungs, which causes pain, but not enough pain to make me go inside once more, just like her love. 
I walk to the parking lot where she was with the other guy, I don't even know his name, so many I don't even remember. By now they've all gotten mixed up, Kim KiBum, Kim HeeChul, Cho KyuHyun, Kim RyeoWook, I don't even know nor do I care...
And I love it the more that I suffer 
I suffocate 
And right before I'm about to drown 
She resuscitates me 
She fucking hates me 
And I love it 
Wait 
Where you going 
I'm leaving you 
No you ain't 
Come back 
We're running right back 
Here we go again 
It's so insane 
Cause when it's going good 
It's going great 
I'm Superman 
With the wind in his bag 
She's Lois Lane 
But when it's bad 
It's awful 
I feel so ashamed 
I snap 
Who's that dude 
I don't even know his name 
I laid hands on her 
I'll never stoop so low again 
I guess I don't know my own strength
“I'm sick of this bullshit! I'm tired of ending up on the wrong side, and you blaming me for everything. You don't even fucking love me, what the hell are you even saying? Why the hell do you even stay here? I don't care 'no more! Just get the fuck away from me!” 
I raise up my hand and drop it down instantly, leaving a red mark on her face. 
What has gotten over me? 
Why did I hit her? 
I feel a tear drop down my cheek, but what am I crying for? I just hit her in plain sight, I don't even differentiate wrong from right. 
I watch her run away from me, not even looking back. Her eyes steaming red and her body shaking fanatically. I drop down on my knees and yell up at the sky saying, “Why did this have to be like this?”
I stay there for hours, letting people watch me as if I was a freak show, I let them laugh at me. I let the pain in my heart burn me down, and make me crash. I guess this hurts her more than it hurts me, right now. I clench my fingers in pain, my heart, this heart is breaking down. Love blinded me, and now I can't get her back. I really wish this was a dream, another fantasy in someone's crazy mind.
I look up, a guy with short dark brown hair is starring down at me, he leans over my head and whispers in my ear, “Game over, I've won her heart.” And just like that he walks away.
I could've hit him instead of my baby, I stand up and look up at the sky trying to stop the tears from flowing. I walk inside the building, forgetting and leaving everything behind for just this night.
Just gonna stand there 
And watch me burn 
But that's alright 
Because I like 
The way it hurts 
Just gonna stand there 
And hear me cry 
But that's alright 
Because I love 
The way you lie 
I love the way you lie 
I love the way you lie
You ever love somebody so much 
You can barely breathe 
When you're with them 
You meet 
And neither one of you 
Even know what hit 'em 
Got that warm fuzzy feeling 
Yeah them chills 
Used to get 'em 
Now you're getting fucking sick 
Of looking at 'em
I walk down the street to the park, just one of those days that relaxing is needed. I sit down on my usual bench and look at the kids play, I see the happy faces of the parent and the kids. I could've started a family just like that one...
“Hi, mind if I sit here?”
“Huh, oh no, it's alright...”
“Thank-you!”
That voice? It sounds just like-
“YeongWoon!”
“What? What are you doing here JungSoo?”
“I thought you'd never look at me after that...”
“What do you want?!”
“I just wanted to say, I'm sorry...”
“... 'I'm sorry' it's just not working anymore, that phrase has lost it's meaning to me.”
“YeongWoon... please just listen!”
“No need, I've forgiven you a long time ago, remember the day we met?”
“Yes, we were right here at this very spot, chatting away...”
“Heh, now look at us, it's completely different.”
“Why can't we go back to those times?”
“Because we're not the same people, we're not the same children.”
“Well, we can try, I promise to be faithful to my wonderful YeongWoon, and you promise to...”
“Be nice, not hit you, be romantic, wait, be patient? Which one?”
“Just to be... your plain loving self...”
And that is how we got back together... kinda weir right? I thought so too... I knew this was too good to be true. I still didn't trust her, and guess what, I was right once again.
You swore you've never hit 'em 
Never do nothing to hurt 'em 
Now you're in each other's face 
Spewing venom 
And these words 
When you spit 'em 
You push 
Pull each other's hair 
Scratch, claw, bit 'em 
Throw 'em down 
Pin 'em 
So lost in the moments 
When you're in 'em 
It's the rage that took over 
It controls you both 
So they say it's best 
To go your separate ways 
Guess that they don't know ya 
Cause today 
That was yesterday 
Yesterday is over 
It's a different day
She walks into the apartment and is amazed because it looks exactly the same as she had left it. A few moments like these were great, silence between us but no awkwardness just love. I look down at my hand and remember the ring she gave me, I stand up and walk towards the drawer and pull out a box.
“Please, close your eyes and extend your hand.” She hesitates, but obliges. I pull out the ring I bought her. I place it on her ring finder and watch her open her eyes in amazement.
“Ah! YeongWoon! Why did you-?”
“Ah, it's nothing, I guess I also want people to know you're mine too.”
Another knock on the door. Great. She hesitates but walks to the door. A guy walks in and places something in her hand and says, “Here, memories will stay with me tough.”
I look down at the floor and wait for him to leave. As if reading my mind the door closes and I look up JungSoo is standing there with a bright smile and says, “See, I will stay loyal to you.”
Months passed after that. It was paradise once more, we were happy and I knew she wasn't cheating on me any more, until 2 weeks ago. She kept coming home late and kept coming in different shirts. And today it was confirmed. 
I was waiting in the balcony for her to come back. A car pulled over and parked in front of the building. She got out and ran up the stairs, she walked into the apartment and quickly went off to bed. I looked down once more and another car pulls over. A tall muscular man get out of the car and walks up the stairs. A knock comes withing my hearing range. I turn around and hide from JungSoo's view. I peek through the curtains and watch her open the door. The same man says. “Here, you forgot this at the apartment.” He hands her a ring. The ring I engraved for her. That was enough to bring me over the wall again. Once again I was up in her face, spewing nonsense.
“And I fucking believed you! I thought you said you were gonna quit this shit!”
“I'm not cheating on you!”
“Then what the hell was that asshole here for? Why did he bring back this stupid ring!”
I walked closer to her and pushed her against the wall, I leaned in and kissed her ferociously. With one hand she tried to push me away but I was too strong for her licking. I ripped her clothes off and with no preparation I thrust inside of her. Blood was dripping down her thighs, I could see the tears in her eyes. She was once again, scared of me, and I was scared of loosing her. 
Sound like broken records 
Playin' over 
But you promised her 
Next time you'll show restraint 
You don't get another chance 
Life is no Nintendo game 
But you lied again 
Now you get to watch her leave 
Out the window 
Guess that's why they call it window pane
“Babe, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that!”
“Shat do you mean, 'I didn't mean to do that', I'm pretty sure you knew what you were doing!”
“No! I'm crazy in love with you! I don't want to hurt you anymore!”
“Well, before you come talking to me, get you mind straight, I don't want to be the girlfriend of some lunatic!”
She stormed to our bedroom and in a matter of minutes she was ready to leave me once again.
“No! You will stay here because I said so!” Tears were threating to fall.
“NO! I've had enough! I don't know why I even stay here with all this abuse.”
“You're at fault for this just like me!” I tighten my hand up into a fist out of anger.
“Hit me! Hit me and see what happens! Try to lay a finger on me! I will call the police if you do! I don't know whats wrong with you, but everything I do just isn't enough. I will never be like your last girlfriend, we are not the same people! I don't know if you're not satisfied with me or what, I'm just sick of this, sick of you!”
“How can I not be satisfied with you? I don't compare you to anyone! I'm just... I don't like sharing you with so many guys! Why do you even need them if you said you loved me? Are YOU not satisfied with me?'
“D-don't turn this back on me! You're the abusive one!”
I run up to her and pull her inside, not caring if other people look at us.
Just gonna stand there 
And watch me burn 
But that's alright 
Because I like 
The way it hurts 
Just gonna stand there 
And hear me cry 
But that's alright 
Because I love 
The way you lie 
I love the way you lie 
I love the way you lie
Now I know we said things 
Did things 
That we didn't mean 
And we fall back 
Into the same patterns 
Same routine 
But your temper's just as bad 
As mine is 
You're the same as me 
But when it comes to love 
You're just as blinded 
Baby please come back 
It wasn't you 
Baby it was me 
Maybe our relationship 
Isn't as crazy as it seems 
Maybe that's what happens 
When a tornado meets a volcano 
All I know is 
I love you too much 
To walk away though 
Come inside 
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk 
Don't you hear sincerity 
In my voice when I talk 
Told you this is my fault 
Look me in the eyeball 
Next time I'm pissed 
I'll aim my fist 
At the dry wall
I entered my house hoping to see her tied up to the chair like I'd left her before I walked away. I walked to the study room and found the chair on the floor, the ropes cut and blood on a broken piece of glass.
----------
“You better get your son a fucking doctor! Do you know how much pain he's caused me?”
“Do YOU know how much pain you've cause HIM! You cheat on him with every other guy you meet in the street! You're like a prostitute, without the pay! You better get away from my son and stop doing such silly things to him!”
“No! It wasn't me! He's crazy! Every night he hits me because of nothing!” 1st lie
“Everyday he rapes me!” 2nd lie.
“Everyday he insults me!” 3d lie.
“You get him a doctor and get him away from me!”
“No! It's your fault you made him like this! You deal with the consequences!”
“What is he tries to kill me!?”
“That is YOUR problem, it would've been the best day of my life.”
“Look, if you don't get him away from me I swear I'll kill him or send him to jail!”
“You wouldn't dare! You aren't that heartless!”
“No... I'm not that heartless, but I do care for myself that much.”
And without another word I walked out into the street. I ran to the car knowing YeongWoon would come looking for me here, and the last thing I wanted to happen was to see him after this. I stayed over at HeeChul's house (my ex-boyfriend), I knew that it would be obvious I would be there but YeongWoon probably doesn't even remember his name.
Next time 
There will be no next time 
I apologize 
Even though I know it's lies 
I'm tired of the games 
I just want her back 
I know I'm a liar 
If she ever tries to fucking leave again 
I'ma tie her to the bed 
And set the house on fire 
Just gonna stand there 
And watch me burn 
But that's alright 
Because I like 
The way it hurts 
Just gonna stand there 
And hear me cry 
But that's alright 
Because I love 
The way you lie 
I love the way you lie 
I love the way you lie
----------
“So, why did you continue to cheat on him... if you didn't want him to hit you?”
“I don't know! I just can't stick to one person for a long period of time... I needed to get other people to talk to. And not just depend on one.”
“I see... and you YeongWoon... why did you insist and stay with her this long period of time? Why did you snap that particular day?”
“I... seeing her smile to another man like that made me furious-”
“And crazy too!”
“Shh... please, he let you talk, now it's his turn.”
“As I was saying... it made me mad so without my consent, my hand just-”
“Slipped?”
“Shut up! Let me speak!”
“What? So you can tell all of these people lies?”
“You lie just as much as I do!”
“But I am the victim here! I am the one you hit!”
“I won't play with you're little game of 'Innocent' you know damn well you're just as responsible for this as I am!”
“Instead of sending you note you probably won’t read I’m going to tell you something right here. Hi, yeah it’s me. The person you hate and want dead! Listen, I’ve left you alone for a pretty long time to think about it, Not to be rude or anything but isn’t about time you forgive me? I mean I only hurt you emotionally. Not physically. Was there a black eye when you got home? I don’t think so. I’m sorry for doing what I did. It won’t happen again. I’ve been doing so much better since then. I’m under control. I think of consequences. Oh well, you don’t really care. See ya wouldn’t wanna be ya!” 
“You will never get yourself fixed! You will always be running around chasing guys to sleep with!”
She stormed out of the room and ran to the street. I followed a suit. I reach for her arm and let her pull me out into the street.
“Get your hands off me!”
She pushed me back and I landed hard on the concrete, blood was dripping out of the back of my head. I hear a screech. I look up and see a car coming full force at JungSoo. Without thinking I throw myself in front of her and let the car puncture my ribs. All I hear is the sirens, all I see is the flashing red and blue lights and blood dripping onto my ring, before I fall unconscious. 
I open up my eye, I see JungSoo to my right crying hysterically and to my left are paramedics. The only thing I feel is pain. The defibrillator’s giving me shocks every half minute. The nurse yells “Clear!” There are only two thoughts running through my head at this time, am I going to survive and get sent to a loony bin or am I gonna die? I want to get up and let the loss of blood kill me and send me into the never ending sleep. The sleep I desperately crave.
I hear the hospital doors crash open. The doctors and nurses calling out all sorts of different things. All I see is memories. My first meeting with JungSoo. Last Christmas with JungSoo. SungMin, my ex-girlfriend. After that, nothing comes to mind.
I see everything dissolving. JungSoo, Christmas, and SungMin. Mom is also fading away. It’s soothing and calm. I like it. It’s almost as if everything just dissolves. Is this death?
A long beep from the heart rate monitor is heard. He's dead. JungSoo screams in pain.
JungSoo walks to the grave stone and sets the beautiful white roses on the stone. She holds up her hand to the sky and the ring on her hand shines and beautiful as ever. The words 'Forever Here With YeongWoon' engraved on the ring, 
“It's as if he knew he would die...”
If this is what it feels like to be blinded by love... would you want to do it?

 
 
Where I am: My Bedroom
Feeling a bit: aggravatedaggravated
Jamming out to: Breath Me - Sia